WriteOnCon and Stuff I Learn About Myself

So I've been running around WriteOnCon when I have time - because they are doing a PitchFest and it's super exciting. I'm working on my pitch for WhiteWashed.

And I realized how much I miss being part of the writerly world and posting in here and all I could think of was, "Dude, why did I stop?" and I realized:

Something happened. Something mysterious and I don't know what. BUT.

I didn't think I had anything important to say. It's like someone took a vacuum hose and stuck it down my throat and sucked out all of my confidence and worth as an individual self.

I don't even know. It's so not like me. I've always been fairly confident in who I am and that I have something important to say and share.

But. Something happened and all of that disappeared and I would pull up this blog - you have NO IDEA how many times I pulled up this blog - and I would stare at the empty screen waiting for me to burp words up onto and I would just think: there is nothing I can say. Everything has already been said. People have BETTER things to say than I do.

What is my life?

What if I'm just an object interacting with other objects that have the power to produce within me the feelings of a personality and really this "I" does not refer to anything at all?

But I have an amazing friend and she e-mailed me the other day and reminded me that: I can say things that are worth saying.

So. Will I blog more? I have no idea. My laptop died and won't turn back on. I don't have a job. I have no idea what I'm doing this summer. I'm taking 22 credits part of which is writing a thesis part of which is a heavy book reading independent study... And you know what. I'll tell you more about that later. Because. I can do that.

I can write in here when I want to about THINGS and about BORING THINGS and about EXCITING THINGS and I can have a sense of humor and I can not be depressed all of the time and I can not hold myself up to some weird kind of I don't know what that keeps me from doing anything and this has become one very long sentence of longness.

Now.

I'm going to go make pasta. I might tell you about it later. Because pasta is awesome.

And life is awesome.

And here is a picture of Norway:

Let's go, guys.

WhiteWashed, a Pitch Fest, and The Ooze Walk Into A Bar

My brain hurts.

I just finished an entire book run through of editing WhiteWashed. This is what my brain feels like:

Like a LOST plane crash.

I'm pretty sure it will all be ready for the Writeoncon pitchfest.

Right now? This is how I feel about my MS:

It's just so pretty. There are wonderful phrases. It makes me laugh. There's some intense emotional scenes. It has poem/song things. It's so gorgeous.

And I know tomorrow it won't be so beautiful anymore.

Instead I will be thinking: "What is this baby? This isn't mine." But then I'll learn to love it anyway, just like the Hunchback.

And then eventually an agent will get their hands on it.

"Noooooo!!"

And then an editor will get their hands on it.

Only, if I should ever faint, I hope some
creepy man doesn't appear out of nowhere.

But for now:

"It's mine. My own. My Precious."

Now I just have to figure out the pitch part.

Happy Endings, Fairy Tale Re-Tellings, and a Non-Related Contest

Well, I've sent off another query letter. It will probably come back as a no, but I need to keep trying or I'll stop completely. And I don't want to stop completely. Because I really like writing. And I really want to be able to share my stories with people. Mostly, because then people will know what I'm talking about when I make referewnces to my books, before remembering that no one has read them, and then I feel like a self-involved attic-hermit. Well. I do want to live in an attic someday and write books. Which is kinda' self-involved. Which. Hm.

MOVING ON like a truck on the highway loaded up with sugar plum fairies:

I have been writing a re-telling of the Little Mermaid and it is very annoying, because all the rest of the stories I've written in that world (Ferdanly) are all told in past tense, but this one wants to be written in present tense. Lame. Not that I have anything against present tense. I have used it for other series. BUT not this one. This one is supposed to be past. I'm letting my characters get away with it for now, but after the first draft we will have a long talk, I assure you.

It's been an interesting process, because the story keeps trying to be force its way into having a happy ending, and I'm having to work with all my might to make it only a nominally happy ending. It can't be entirely happy. That would ruin everything. Because 1) It messes up the whole process of the fact that fairytales are falling apart 2) It ruins what I'm going to do three books from now 3) I don't really like happy happy endings.

Fortunately, I have this character. Her name is Ionuin. She can get away with breaking whatever rules she wants. And, after some finagling, I was able to use her in order to get my books ending the place it needs to be: almost happy, but not quite.

Because life doesn't work out perfect happy happy. There's some happy and there's some not so happy, and that's the way I want my books to be. Some happy. Some not so happy. And some maiming and killing and fighting and brawling and using long ridiculous words that most people have not heard of: like concatenate.

ALSO I went to BEA and have been reading like mad crazy, and I will be writing reviews every Thursday for the 12 Down Unders, like for middle grade, and chapter books, and picture books over at BWOB: Booksellers Without Borders (follow the link thing HEREhttp://www.booksellerswithoutbordersny.com/). AND I will be having a contest tomorrow to give away two books by RL Stine SO, feel free to drop by there tomorrow.

AND If you could have any fairy tale re-done, which one would that be? Are there any that you think have been over-done? Or never done? Do you have a favorite folk tale that no one ever talks aboiut sufficiently?

NaNo Now!... Well... Almost

Like some other bloggy people I too am going to be doing NaNoWriMo this year. Unlike some other bloggy people, I still have No Idea what to write. I'm guessing I'll figure it out, just picking something randomly when the time comes. What'll be interesting is on November 1 I'm going to be taking a trip down to VA in order to visit a Secret College, so my first two writing days will be full of Driving Long Distances. Hopefully I'll be able to get home early enough on Tuesday that not too much time will be lost. Ah well. I'll have enough days to make up for it, hopefully.

BUT...

Last year I was going to do a Videcumentary because I knew some people had done such a thing before. But I didn't because I was in school, had a job, and was writing a novel. Plus other things I'm sure. Anyway. This year I will attempt to make some vlogs, and I'm warning you they will be very Boring. I'm trying to think of a way to Spice it up, so if anybody has any ideas, feel free to advise me. No idea is too stupid. Wait. I take it back. Some ideas are way beyond stupid. But. Anyway.

Right now it WILL NOT LOAD... But as soon as I can get it to load, I totally will.

And that's about all, my bloggy lamnams! Oh... By the way... Thank you for all your encouragement! I did finish WhiteWashed and am now Editing it. So Exciting! :D