THREE is a Number

ONE: OHMYGOODNESS I WENT TO BEA AND IT WAS AMAZING. I will be posting about it Soonish, which you all know means it could be between now and the apocalypse.

TWO: I totes sent out a query letter and am now dying. I'm keeping track in my head: well, it got sent out this day, should arrive this day, could be read any day after this one... And then I start screaming and wondering what on earth I'm doing and trying to prepare myself for what I'm calling "The Inevitable No." I love this agent, so I'm hoping it's a yes... But if this agent is not going to lurve my book, then I want this agent to say no so I can find an agent who will lurve my book, even when I'm going insane and want to hate it. You know?? I know a certain Ms. Ahiers is going through a similar process and I must say: It's nice knowing I'm not alone in my agony. Unless she is not agonified, which would be magnificent as I do not wish anyone to be agonified.

THREE: Actually there is no three. I just like having three points instead of two. Only two points is lame. So now there are three.

I'm Back! I... Think.

So I'm pretty sure I'm over my: "Blogging is stupid" as my mindset has been lately. Even though I don't really believe that... But anyway. I do have an Exciting Story to tell at a later date, hopefully sooner rather than later, but until then I have a question to ask.

I really, Really, REALLY, want to query this agent-man. But I want my query/synopsis to be the best, Best, BEST that it can be. I was whiny this morning (because I always whine in the mornings. Mornings should not be allowed to exist. Except. That would probably mess up the tides. And for most people 12:30 is not the Morning. Anyhow.) and my sis, Rebecca, said: "Why don't you ask your LamNams for help? I'm sure someone would be willing to help you out." So this is a cry for help. If Anyone is willing to read either my query letter, or synopsis, or both, you can e-mail me at achinghope(at)gmail(dot)com. And if Any of you have a query letter and/or snyopsis or whatever, and you need help with getting someone else's perspective, let me know. I would love to help you guys. I mean, you guys have been so Awesome and supportive of me. (Sometimes, I'm not sure why.) And I know I haven't been around lately so it seems really selfish to me to ask this of you guys, but my goal was to query this agent-man before the end of the year... And it's pretty much December. So...

Anyway. That's my plea.

And for all my lovely LamNams:

COOKIES! :D

And though my smile will not be like that, because it's Creepy, I will be smiling regardless, because you guys are Amazing.

Before Publishing...

My friend was asking me for advice the other day about looking for agents. Now, I don't really think of myself as an expert, especially with such people around as Elana Johnson and Nathan Bransford, but I have done a bit of research so the idea of being helpful just about made my day a bit more sunshiney. This, of course, would've been a whole lot better if it wasn't already a thousand degrees over here, but still. Worth it.

Thus, I have decided to share my advice with you all.

A) Don't get published yet. Yup. Pretty much the first thing I have to say. I totally agree with other Smart People that before a Writer/Author person gets published they should first Enjoy the Freedom they have. Think about it. You get to write whatever you want, whenever you want (within reason), without demands, or pressure, or having to write outlines or anything. It's like being single. Sure, married life can be just swell, but it comes with a whole lot of responsibility. And unlike with marriages nowadays, it's much harder to 'divorce' yourself from publishing a book. So party with your unpublished book and make sure you're ready for the Crazy that follows getting published. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What do I know? It's not like I'm published, and it's not like I'm following my own advice. But that doesn't mean someone out there shouldn't be listening to this sound advice. Just because I'm crazy doesn't mean you should be too.

2) Research Agents: This includes knowing their name, what Agency they work with, what books they have helped get published. I like to check such books out from the library to see if I like them. Because if I like them, then the agent and I might actually have tastes in common. This, of course, means that you cannot go around querying everyone in the universe. But wait! Don't forget to find out the agents favorite color, so that you can use that as your Query letter font color. Plus, finding ways to bribe them is always nice. Or, adding in extra tidbits in your query letter like this: "I saw you at the grocery store the other day (even though we live in different states) and think that you look fab in pink. Even if it was a frayed, disgusting, robe."

3) Get a blog. I'm serious. There is so much information out there available to you through blogs... It's insane. Although... If you're reading this you probably already have a blog. So. This is a pointless point. Moving on!

D) Become a part of every networking site possible. Goodreads, Facebook, Jacketflap, Lunch, Twitter... So many that your brain falls out from the madness! Okay, okay, I kid. Only be part of the things that you can handle. If you can handle everything on the planet, then forge ahead. If you can't, don't kill yourself.

E) Buy (or capture and tame) a strange animal. Like an armadillo, or Zombie Kittens (more on that at a later time), or platypus, or an arrdvark, or a fairy/pixie (though they'll probably kill you or curse you to always eat frogs), albatrosses, hyenas, large unfriendly dragons, invisible purple godzilla monsters, buffalo, manatees... The list goes on! (My co-worker can't stop naming them now, she's so excited...flamingoes, penguins [Mr. Popper's Penguins!], camels, alpacas, zedonk.) It will help you be more creative and make you more unique. Plus, you can mention that in your query letter, because agents love useless information.

6) Know your genre. If you think your genre is "Pizzaz" I promise you, you will not find a (legit) agent who represents the genre "Pizzaz." Also, do not say you have a 'Historical Fantasy Literary Woman's fiction, with a twist of Suspence and Horror and Thriller and definitely a Mystery in there somewhere.' Not unless you want Literary Agents to throw invisible darts at your non-existent head. And you head will be non-existent because they will have blown it up with their mind powers. And yes, agents have mind powers. That's why I'm becoming one.

*Some of this may be written seriously, while others may or may not be sarcastic. If you can't tell the difference, throw pies in my general direction. Mmm... pies.

The Fine Print I

Today two of my friends asked me to join them (as well as a group of other people) to read through the Fine Print submissions. Every year the little college I attend collects students' short stories and poetry, a bunch of nerdy people read them, and eventually some get collected into a book-bounded form. It was the best thing EVER. It reminds that I totally want to be an agent, even if none of them screamed PUBLISH ME NOW, but there were a couple that said "I actually know how to write, I have potential, please read more of my stuff." Especially the one dude. I probably upped his scores a little bit, just 'cause his was so much better than anything else I had read. There were just a couple of parts I think he could have written stronger, and I know he would agree, so I don't feel bad posting it on the web. Especially because no one knows who I am talking about. (Raspberry Moose!)

This is a moose. He is made of Raspberries.

The thing with poetry is either I love it, or I hate it. There was one poem that I loved, and the other person who looked at it did not love it. So we passed it around. And around. And there ended up being a whole discussion about whether or not it was good enough to put in the Fine Print. My opinion? If you can write anything that gets people choosing sides and trying to persuade others to agree with their point of view, you have done something special. No one else discussed any of the other works. Just that one. So I say publish it. If it gets us talking... Well, you just did something no one else achieved. I take my invisible hat off to you.

This is the antipode of an invisible hat

There was one thing disturbing about the whole event. The one dude and I kept scoring things scarily close. For poems there were four options: clarity, content, form, and impression. I freaked out when we did the one EXACTLY THE SAME. Very weird.

Also, I decided today that I need a new college. [Because as far as I am aware one cannot become an agent without having some form of degree. Sad face.] As depressing as this sounds, it is true. I am tired of being one of the smartest kids in class. Ugh! Disgusting. I am not that good people. I am bored. I can pass a test I did not study for. I can get A's on papers I finish right before class. I refuse to get a degree simply because I can. I want a degree because I worked for it, because I slaved over it, because I nearly died from pure stress in order to achieve it. Maybe that's what graduate school is for? I don't know, it just seems that a senior in highschool is at a higher education level than a freshman's first year at college. What is wrong with that picture, I ask you?

Seriously, what IS wrong with this picture?

Moving on to actual writing things: Today I wrote 4,ooo words. Hoorah! I wanted 8,ooo, but we all knew that wasn't going to happen, so I kept my hopes at 2,ooo. I beat my score! Hopefully this means I can finish the sequel before the month ends, but I don't know. I still got a ton left. I still have about half the novel left. Sadness. Despair. Lack of cookies.

This fish is sad he has no cookies

The kitten is sad he has no brains

(Take THAT EB! I have your kitten trapped, trapped I say, bwahahahahahaha >:)

In conclusion all I have to say is that I MUST send out a query this month, I must, I must.

Ergh

This has not been a particularly good past week. And this week is promising exuberantly that it will be the

same kinda of drag-your-feet-suck-in-your-breath-and-grimace kind of a week. Why? My word count has stayed evenly at 10,000. I still need to write 40,000 words, people! Insanity galore!!

Apparently, this thing is insane too

And if that is not the worst thing known to man I have yet to do ANY of my homework for tomorrow. Oh joy. I think I just died from happiness. NOT. Try dying from -8 on the excite-o-meter.

Me. Dead.

And I'm purple too. Weird.

So as much as I love Akkadian, Koine Greek, Screenwriting, and Storytelling in Communications... I just about want to toss all of my books into our lovely fireplace and watch them merrily burn, and THEN I want to withdraw from college (convincing them to give me my money back, of course), and THEN I am going to tell my boss I quit in a very regal mad-hatter kind of way that I have always imagined.

Whoa! It's huge!!!!

But of course, being (like my sister) the non-confrontational responsible one, I am instead going to bang my head upon this lovely desk.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

I did, however, write a query letter on that Wednesday, so no one has permission to come after me with a machette. AND I am working on another query letter. It is my goal to finish Blackburn's Prisoner II and query an ageny by the end of the month. Yes. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Short and Sweet

So today's post is going to be super short, because my brain was been freaking out the past two days. (When you finish a novel shouldn't you be excited and NOT depressed?) I finished Pixie Princess and queried Nathan Bransford. And he responded (very quickly! I am amazed at his querying response prowess) and even though he said 'no' it was okay, because it was such a nice reply. I think it would be really cool to meet him someday, but that sounds stalkerish.

Anyway. So now I'm trying to find another agent to query. I'm actually thinking about setting Luperin to the side and finish up Haunbrinth and then finish Luperin. I really do love those stories so much.

The problem is, with finding an agent, I keep looking up agents and going "Man, that book I haven't written/edited yet would be perfect for this agent." But maybe that's a bad way to look at it? If I'm looking for someone who will be a long time agent who can help me with loads of books, instead of just one or two? I don't know, but school starts next week. Insert drastic gagging here. Blah. Gah. Urf. Not that I hate or abhor school but... Bluh.

Anyway. The only other big news is that I finally finished Lost Languages by Andrew Robinson!

And because this was super boring here is a lame picture:

Yay for web cams! :D