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Sunday, May 6, 2012

Finals, What are Those?

I am studiously ignoring my finals, and my final papers, and everything that is due this week. This is a much practiced skill.

Side note: Why isn't practiced spelled with an s? Practised. It makes more sense.

This is not just procrastinating. This is studious. I have a list. It totally makes the whole process legit and everything.

1) I go around telling everyone that English grammar was greatly influenced by Cornish, despite the fact that people argue against this.

2) I write Akkadian on my arm and try to memorize the Code of Hammurabi in original Sumerian/Akkadian in its original symbols. Because they have exciting triangles and stick things.

3) I go around on walks, explaining the differences between Kant, Hume, Locke, Berkeley, Descartes, and Leibniz. I also talk about how much I hate all of them (except for Kant and Berkeley) and I explain how I am going to time travel and make them eat horrible fungus things, like mushrooms.

4) I educate people on the fact that there are some squirrels that are really baby elephants. Like caterpillars turning into butterflies, and tadpoles turning into frogs. So do certain squirrels turn into baby elephants.

5) I try to create my own cult that worships the Khabrananairirsa. He is a purple-tailed lizard who eats cheese.

6) I write musicals and go around singing the songs all day. I also play on the piano and guitar.

7) I write blogs. And lists.

And because I am so busy doing these incredibly important seven things, I don't even remember I have homework or finals. It is quite a successful list, if I do say so myself.

How do you studiously ignore things? My roommate makes me or buys me delicious food.

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