Let's take a look at Galatians 5:15:
"But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another."
Obviously the biting is talking about Vampires, and the consuming is talking about Zombies.
See? Iron-clad proof.
In response to this shocking news I interviewed invisible, not-really-existent-people. Rev. Pseudo states that the community as a whole needs to "know of the dangers of these creatures." He has been writing up articles and attending meetings to bring awareness about this issue.
Madam Spurious exclaimed that, "she knew it," while waving a clove of garlic in her hand. Her next-door neighbor, Edward Sham, just shook his head and refused to comment.
Meanwhile, several celebrities have come out of the closet reporting that they are indeed Vampires and Zombies. However, when studied by Scientists, they turned out to be hoaxes. This was very disturbing to a young girl, Julie Dupe, who believed that celebrities could never lie.
In order to take every precaution necessary the President, with the help of Miss Stafford, is seeking out girls named "Buffy." So far, only a valley girl with a lisp has been found, and she insists that "Vampires are, like, so totally ew."
In other news a girl from Scotland has locked herself in her room, refusing to come out. Although it is still unsure why she would do such a thing, sources tell us that she was known to be harboring Zombies. A Miss Sonshine was seen guarding her door with Cats. T.H. Mafi was alongside of her promising to attack people with pterodactyls. Meanwhile, a woman with a palindrome was getting very excited and cocking her gun menacingly. Many people ducked in response. Evil Blam, from Canada, just laughed while a mysterious figure traipsed behind him while making puns and muttering about dimples.
All in all, the world has seriously gone into chaos.
If any other news crops up, I'll let you know. In the mean time, my friend and I keep shouting at each other: "Do not bite and devour!" I think that should be my new slogan.
