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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Maybe I Shouldn't Write When in School...

The other day when I was waiting between classes I wrote this little bit. (I was worrying about mid-terms at the time, and stressing about Greek and wondering what a subjunctive infinity was in Akkadian, which actually doesn't exist as far as I know, but I thought it did, and it was only adding to me worrisome state.)

It is not the best in the world, for which I apologize, but I felt like sharing it.

The pressure sat on her like a camel, but instead of chewing cud it was chewing her stomach. "Nom, nom, nom," went the pressure. Jacqueline her down against her desk. "Whack, whack, whack," went her head.
"Stop," hissed her teacher, "you'll break something."
"Already broke," mumbled Jacqueline. "Broke by the camel pressure, broke by the mid-term shoving words down my throat. Words taste bad, Miss Teacher, like rotten tuna-fish sitting under your tongue."
"You're not alright," Miss Teacher said. "There's something wrong, there in your head." Miss Teacher went and grabbed Jacqueline's chair, wheeling her out of the room, through the door.
"Mid-Term sundaes dripped in chocolate, still taste bad as gravel." Jacqueline dragged her feet as the wheel-chair rolled, rolled, down the hall. She drew a giant 'x' atop her paper, circled random words in pen.
"I'm done," said Jcqueline, wavcing a limp hand in the tepid air, paper dripping sideways, flopping like a dead fish. Miss Teacher came and took her work away, while Jacqueline fingered circles on her plastic desk.
"Words like gravel," Jacqueline said, flicking dark grey rocks from her outstretched tongue. "Words like sand," she rolled her head and flapped her hands. "Words that travel, 'cross the land." A hiss, a pop, a shred of paper falling from her shirt pocket as her body rocked sideways, her dead hands trailing to the cool tile floor.


Falen said...

this kind of creeped me out.

I especially liked "her dead hands trailing to the cool tile floor"

AchingHope said...

Thank you! :)

That's why I refused to write short stories for the longest time, because they always came out creepy. But I have learned to embrace my creepy side

SonshineMusic said...

I like the camel chewing on her stomach... nom nom nom... Creepy twisty end, though.

AchingHope said...

I thought of you when I wrote that line, I admit.

Joan Crawford said...

This is creepy and dark.

I, of course, love it beyond all measure. You're a closeted weirdy, me thinks :D

AchingHope said...

@Joan: Thanks! Hmm... I do have a strange liking for closets and weird things, so I mist be ;)

Y.F.N. Palindrome aka Hannah said...

I love this!! The word play is so child-like but the message is uber creepy. I feel like this should be a creepy Japanese short manga.

I love creepy manga.

WV: rocke- a little extra rock

This Rocke-ed?

SonshineMusic said...

@Palindrome: Rocke - Locke's favorite music?

AchingHope said...

@Palindrome: Yet another reason why I need to read manga. Would you have any suggestions?

@Sonshine: Ahahahahaha...